'With a tender hand' is a resource book for eldership and oversight. This webpage provides support material to complement the publication.

This online resource is designed to provide access to a range of extension materials, further resources and links to other useful sites, and will be regularly updated and added to.

If you are responsible for eldership and oversight it will be worth checking back for new material not referenced in the book, including new or revised publications on relevant topics.

We would also value your contributions (see 'Shared experience' to the right of this page).

'With a tender hand' resources by theme

    Background to the publication

    With a tender hand was written for British Quakers, but it may also be of interest and use to other Friends, particularly those who have unprogrammed worship; however, references to legislation and regulations will need to be interpreted in the context of your own country's laws.

    In a similar way, British Friends can benefit from the experience of other Friends. For example, the Friends General Conference publication Fostering Vital Friends Meetings (off site link) is an excellent resource on a range of topics.

    Part of the book's approach is to augment and expand on guidance in Quaker faith & practice, particularly chapter 12 'Caring for one another', making it more accessible.

    Accessing further resources

    At various points in the book, reference is made to Quaker Life books for sale or free material that can be obtained through the Quaker Centre Bookshop, and a complete list of resources is available online. The Quaker bookshop also has an online presence: http://www.quaker.org.uk/shop.

    Each chapter in the book ends with a set of queries. Downloadable versions of each set of queries are available from these webpages.

    This webpage includes an entry for each of the 66 times that the Quakers in Britain website is named in the book. Each entry will link to appropriate information.

    Please note: All links to PDFs will open in the existing browser window. You are welcome to use your browser's 'Page Save As' option to download them rather than navigate away from this page.

    Introduction

    • Page 18: The appropriate link for this is the very page we are on!

    1. Pastoral Care

    Chapter 1: Why do Quaker meetings need eldership and oversight?

    Chapter 2: Ways of working together

    Chapter 3: Grounding our practice

    • Page 60: We would be pleased to receive information from meetings with examples of eldership and oversight welcome and induction material. They can be sent to Michael Booth in Quaker Life. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 66: The queries for chapter 3

    2. Worship

    Chapter 4: Meeting for worship

    Chapter 5: Vocal ministry

    [QUOTE-START]

    The hour is followed by a few minutes of 'Afterwords' during which anyone present can talk about what might have been in their mind during the meeting, even though they did not feel prompted to speak during the hour's worship. This is a sharing exercise, not a discussion, and can sometimes be inspiring, or heartwarming.

    - Bideford Meeting on their experience of 'Afterwords'

    [QUOTE-END]

    • Page 88: The ministry in worship guidance sheet (see page 87) – PDF to follow.
    • Page 88: Worship Sharing and Creative listening are used as synonyms within Friends.Information on worship sharing can be found on various Quaker websites, including Friends General Conference, Baltimore Yearly Meeting and Maury River Friends Meeting (off site links).

      If you have a meeting leaflet about worship sharing that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that will contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.

      Afterword or afterwords. Many meetings have a period of time after Meeting for Worship where people can share thoughts and insights that they didn't consider to be ministry. If you have a meeting leaflet about afterword that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 97: Lists of Quaker leaflets on Quaker practice.
    • Page 99: The queries for chapter 5

    Chapter 6: Worship in the life of the meeting

    • Page 106: Further information and writings on marriage can be found here and here on the various links that appear on those pages.
    • Page 107: Here is a link to the Quaker bookshop catalogue on the topic of aging, dying, death and bereavement or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer.
    • Page 107: The funeral wishes leaflet can be found here: it can be downloaded as a word file which can then be completed by typing on it, or it can be printed out and then completed by hand.
    • Page 115: The queries for chapter 6

    Chapter 7: Openings for the Spirit

    • Page 119: Some of the ideas listed on the page can be found in the free to download activity booklets 'Being Quaker, Doing Quaker' and 'What do you do in meeting for worship', others will be available as the featured activity in Being Friends Together (off site link). Don't presume that activities included in resources written for children and young people are too simplistic for adults. There are many deep tasks included in these resources. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 127:
    • Page 128: If you have community building ideas which have worked well in your meeting that we can share, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 131: Please see the link at page 345, in chapter 19.
    • Page 134: The queries for chapter 7

    3. Community

    [QUOTE-START]

    A printed book or online resource is not the whole answer to providing everything that people might need to serve in eldership and oversight with confidence. We all have much to learn from the wisdom and experience of Friends within our meetings, and through attending workshops, courses and conferences.

    - Extract from the Preface, 'With a tender hand'

    [QUOTE-END]

    Chapter 8: The meaning of community

    • Page 146: Some of these activities are to be found in Being Friends Together (off site link). If your meeting has explanations of these ideas or more ideas of activities to do together that other meetings can use, then please share them with Quaker Life by sending them to . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 151: The queries for chapter 8

    Chapter 9: Belonging and commitment

    • Page 162: If you have a successful meeting activity on sharing gifts that we can make available to others, do let Quaker Life know: .We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 167: Downloadable leaflet 'Membership: Principles and processes'
    • Page 171: The queries for chapter 9

    Chapter 10: All age community

    4. Caring

    Chapter 11: Addressing need

    Chapter 12: Receiving care

    Chapter 13: Absent Friends

    Chapter 14: Conflict and difficulty in the meeting

    • Page 228 and page 244: Search the Quaker bookshop catalogue on 'conflict resolution', or visit the bookshop in person and see what we have to offer. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 246: Quaker Life staff are available by letter, telephone or e-mail to listen and respond to Meetings that are working through issues. Sometimes, it will become clear that more personal contact is required and a visit by experienced members of the Quaker Life Network would be desirable. It is possible to initiate a request for a visit by completing an online form to send us the details. Many Friends find completing the form easier after they have spoken to Quaker Life staff.
    • Page 249: The queries for chapter 14

    [QUOTE-START]

    Our task is to nurture a climate that encourages everyone to know where their Quaker heart is and to act on it. A big part of that will be how we model the behaviours we want to promote: if our own conduct consistently reflects Quaker principles, the Quaker way will catch on.

    - Extract from chapter 14, 'With a tender hand'

    [QUOTE-END]

    Chapter 15: Disability, vulnerability and times of stress

    • Page 251, page 259 and page 264: If you have good experience of a resource that we can share or know of an appropriate organisation that can offer support in any of the topics covered in this chapter, do please let Quaker Life know: . However, we cannot vouch for the service provided by any of the organisations we list. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 259: As above. Staff in Quaker Life can listen and help a meeting consider how it can support someone with a mental health issue. However, we do not provide professional mental health support.
    • Page 265: Email contact form for Quaker Concern around Dying and Death.
    • Page 265: Search the Quaker Bookshop on the topic of aging, dying, death and bereavement. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 271: Leaflets: 'Maintaining safe communities' and 'Maintaining boundaries'. If you have good experience of a resource that we can share or know of an appropriate organisation that can offer support as a result of abusive relationships, do please let Quaker Life know: . However, we cannot vouch for the service provided by any of the organisations we list. We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 272: For a copy of the booklet Meetings and (ex) offenders, please contact Michael Booth 020 7663 1023 or Marleen Schepers 020 7663 1143. It is only circulated on request.
    • Page 274: Support for Quaker Chaplains and Prison Chaplains
    • Page 274: Publication: 'A brief guide to Quaker chaplaincy'
    • Page 276: The queries for chapter 15

    5. Communication

    Chapter 16: Communicating as Friends

    Chapter 17: The Quaker way of right ordering

    • Page 310: Search the Quaker bookshop on the topic of the Quaker decision making process/Quaker business method, or visit the bookshop and see what we have to offer. Two additional publications may be of interest: Mind the oneness: Foundation of good Quaker business method and God and decision-making: A Quaker approach, as well as chapter 3 of Quaker faith & practice. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: michaelsb@quaker.org.uk . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 312: Download the latest edition of Meeting Safety
    • Page 324: If you have a resource on meeting policies on expenses payments and discretionary funding that we can share, do please let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow. Page 29 of the Committee Handbook (PDF 0.5mb) has the current advice for members of BYM committees.
    • Page 327: Download 'Membership: principles and processes''Membership: principles and processes'
    • Page 329: The queries for chapter 17

    Chapter 18: Keeping people informed

    • Page 334: Newer printed and electronic material is often available in a format that can be used by text to speech software. Contact the Quaker bookshop or our publications team for assistance.
    • Page 343: The queries for chapter 18

    [QUOTE-START]

    Pastoral care is concerned with communication because this is how all the responsibilities of eldership and oversight are met. When Friends do things together and get to know one another, when discussions and discernment in the meeting are fruitful, when information is clear and readily available, then everything else is more likely to fall into place.

    - Extract from chapter 16 of 'With a tender hand'

    [QUOTE-END]

    Chapter 19: Making connections

    • Page 345 and page 349: Some ideas for group working and guidance on how to facilitate them can be found in the free to download activity booklets 'Being Quaker, Doing Quaker' and 'What do you do in meeting for worship', while others will be available on 'Being Friends Together' (off site link). There is plenty of good advice included in resources written for children and young people: material aimed at all-age activities would be a good place to start. If you have a meeting resource that we can share or know of a different website, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 350: Download: Threshing meetings. Quaker Life staff are available by letter, telephone or e-mail to listen and respond to Meetings that are working through issues. Sometimes, it will become clear that more personal contact is required and a visit by experienced members of the Quaker Life Network would be desirable. It is possible to initiate a request for a visit by completing an online form. Many Friends find completing the form easier after they have spoken to Quaker Life staff. If you have a successful meeting activity on exploring issues that we can make available to others, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 362: The queries for chapter 19

    Chapter 20: Being in touch in a modern world

    • Page 370: Data security guidance for meetings
    • Page 374: If you have examples of online ground rules and netiquette ideas which have worked well in your meeting that we can share, do let Quaker Life know: . We will give a hyperlink to suitable page that can contain links to pdf or word files – link to follow.
    • Page 379: The queries for chapter 20

    6. Leadership

    Chapter 21: Leadership among equals

    Chapter 22: Leading with discernment

    References

    • Page 417: A single list of resources is not available, instead, please look at the various links to lists of subject- and topic-based resources that are accessible through links on these pages.
    • Page 422: Just as the very first link from page 18, the appropriate link for this is the very page you are on currently!

    Contact us

    Michael Booth
    Support for Meetings Officer
    020 7663 1023
    michaelsb@quaker.org.uk